The One Where I Am Just So Tired...

I. am. so. tired.

Mom continues living in her slightly altered world; I don't just parent my mother, I am also her full fledged "care giver", making sure that she doesn't slip and fall in the bathroom, she gets all of her meds on time and in the proper dosage, and that she has something (crosswords, books, sewing) to keep her occupied and engaged.

Twinks continues living in pain. Our trip this past week to visit the doctors and nurses of Hospital City resulted in a fitting for new orthotics, but they won't be ready for four more weeks, and in the meantime, she's outgrown the old set, and so can't wear them. Luckily, we have another pain management appointment tomorrow afternoon.

The trip we just returned from nearly did me in. Despite careful planning, advance reservations, and daily conversations with my Mom about the trip, it was difficult at best. We have to bring my Mom along on these trips now; otherwise someone will have to stay with her all the time while I am gone. And she still clings to me; she can handle my absence for two or three - four hours at the max, and then she begins to become frantic and agitated. So, I decided it would be better (and easier) for everyone to bring her along.

It wasn't any one thing that made the trip more difficult, it was just that everything had to move slower. Mom can't process things quickly; even simple things like deciding what she wants to order from the menu in a cafe' can become a huge ordeal. TV stations that were numbered differently from home were a problem at the hotel; she couldn't find her usual TV shows and became upset. And yet Mom is so sweet and so loving that I feel guilty even complaining.

I arrived home even more tired than when we left, and depressed.

The Wrench is frazzled, too. He worries about Mom, about Twinks, and especially about me. Non-stop he worries; the frown lines etched into his forehead make me feel sad. He worries about his job; Since 9/11, there is no real job security in the aviation industry, and The Really Large Airline that he works for constantly holds the vague threat of layoffs and closures over their employees. Does not make going to work a pleasant, stress-free experience for him or his co-workers.

And then there is the remodel. The remodel is taking a toll on everyone, and TW is no exception. He worries constantly; ContractorMan fortunately has the patience of a saint, and rarely flinches when TW approaches with another concern or question. Mom can't understand why everything is taking so long. Twinks longs for her new and improved room, and I just want it all to be over, and the house clean and tidy again.

TW sleeps fitfully at best; lying next to him I sleep in fits and starts, staring into the darkness, making lists in my mind, and my PDA.

I want to sleep.

I. am. so. tired.