So Twinks is back at school, full time. No more homebound; every morning she takes her roller-backpack and she disappears into the morass of swirling sixth-graders.
A little bit of my heart disappears with her every morning now; I had gotten used to her being *here* - at home with me - all the time. I must confess that I liked it; we had created a comfortable routine, just the three of us. Twinks would get to spend several hours every day with The Wrench, instead of just seeing him for about 45 minutes in the morning. I would leave them to their little morning ritual; The Wrench would get up early, just to spend time with Twinks. They would sit together to do homework, or if there was no homework, I would hear his voice, deep and rumbling down the hallway, blended with her sweet soprano as they puttered about together, doing everything from folding origami to folding laundry.
Now that has changed. Just in time for the last month of school, Twinks is back. She even got a standing ovation on her first full day back at school! She was really amazed, and touched that her friends were so happy to see her.
I, on the other hand, feel dazed and confused. (Stop it. Right now. I know what you are thinking: "So, what else is new? Thim is 'dazed and confused'. So? What else you got?") Well, when you quit laughing your collective asses off, consider this...
...I have essentially hit a brick wall. At full speed.
The Wrench and I have been so focused - fully, completely focused - on finding out what was wrong with The Twinkster that it was, well everything. When he wasn't at work, whenever I could find a free moment, we would be on the Internet, searching, learning, trying to figure it out. It was more than just a mystery to solve, it was our daughter, fading away before our very eyes, and we felt that we had to keep going - we had to keep looking for the answer. It was intense, all-consuming. We ate it, drank it, slept it, lived it, 24/7.
Then, suddenly one day, there it is. The answer is revealed, albeit in a parking garage, and you find that you have gone from 60 to zero in a heartbeat.
You have hit the wall.
Now, what do you do next?
It's a bit of a shock to the system. Nearly three weeks later, and I still sit in front of the computer, thinking that there must be *something* that I need to be checking on. I feel a bit odd and disconnected from reality; it's difficult to just let go of that sense of urgency. I know that the crisis is past, but the adrenaline is still pumping.
So, to occupy myself I did a bit of research. Good news: Fibromyalgia can be terrible, (we already know that) but if managed correctly, she'll be fine (Irony: she'll probably be "healthier" than all of the rest of us combined if she follows the recommended regime) Nearly three weeks in, and The Wrench and I can't believe what we are seeing. Twinks is a whole new kid: It's like a miracle, sponsored by the major pharmaceutical manufacturers of America. "Better living through drugs".
But, I'm still back at that wall. I'm not exactly certain what I'm supposed to do next.
We have a diagnosis.
We have a "treatment plan" (God, I hate that phrase)
We have prescription drugs.
We have our kid again - nearly completely pain free, and happy to be back at school.
Now I guess we need a "life plan".
Or, maybe I just need a vacation.