Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Legally speaking...

Although I am prohibited from talking about *why* (or who, when, where, and/or how) by a subpeona, and a severe admonishment from a rather dour looking judge, I can tell you that sometimes "doing the right thing" can be a huge pain in the butt. It also sucks, fun-wise.

However, during all of the waiting that occurs between intense flurries of legal activity, I have had plenty of time to reflect upon how I arrived at this place; a rather shabby little "safe room", tucked deep in the bowels of the county courthouse. It is in this room that I leave my possessions before entering the courtroom every day. Although I have no other experience by which to judge, I am impressed by how hard the D.A.'s staff works to help us feel comfortable and prepared for the ordeal of facing not just a judge, jury and defendant, but also for keeping us safely out of the harsh light that the media casts on this trial. They shepard us up and down corridors, standing between us and the accused's family and friends. They stock the fridge in the kitchenette with our favorite beverages, and they keep Twinks safely guarded while I testify. The Wrench stays close by my side; although he is not called to the stand, his presence in the courtroom is entered into the record, and he is identified several times by witnesses as being my husband. He has lived through this with me; we have cried together over this, and worked together as a team to bring this to justice, and now we watch the trial together.

So here I am, caught fully in the dysfunctional web of our judicial system. I have spent more than five years waiting for this trial. I have both dreaded and anticipated this - the march towards "justice", the opportunity to face the accused in a court of law, and have a jury hear my words, my testimony about how and why it all happened. To present the facts - hard facts, backed up by reams and reams of paper evidence, boxes and cartons full of the truth that are wheeled into the courtroom every morning in a display that surely must have some impact on the jury.

I am systematically and methodically working through the process of sending my best friend to jail.

For the rest of her life.

Monday, January 08, 2007

Looking forward

I'm glad it's over.

I have to confess that this season, I was ready for the holidays to be over almost before they were done. I love Christmastime; not just the kitschy, commercial aspects of it, but the time spent with family and friends. The hours in the kitchen with Twinks and The Wrench making cookies and wrapping presents. The joy in giving. The magical, reverent feeling when you leave Midnight Mass on Christmas Eve, and the world is quiet, and cold, and still as you make your way home through the starry darkness. Calling on family, neighbors and friends during Christmas week, and then the end of the holiday season, watching the world celebrate one hour at a time as the New Year marches around the globe.

It's fun. It's busy and hectic, but it's fun.

But I am still glad it's over.

I don't really know why I am so eager to start this new year; I have no looming projects on the agenda, and for the first time in 10 years, no need to plan the major excursions to visit my Mom and The StepDad; after all, they now live just Two Hours East, and we see them nearly every weekend.

But the fact is inescapable that I was actually *thrilled* to take down the Christmas decorations this year; I was glad to pack it all away, neatly labeled in the big storage tubs that stack so neatly in the guest room closet.

Most of us start a new year with that delicious, anticipatory feeling; after all, we view it as our chance to start fresh. Resolutions are made with zeal and fervor for better habits; well-intentioned to-do lists are filled with previously neglected projects. Even the most jaded among us surely finds a little interest in starting a new calendar, a blank slate upon which the year to come will be chronicled.

I have made no resolutions or lists of my own this year; I have learned that Life takes me where it wishes with or without them. My needs are few; my wants, wishes and desires center around the people in my life, and not material wealth. And yet, I am looking forward this year in a way that I haven't for a long, long time.

Here's to a Happy New Year, for all of us.